A $1B BLACKHOLE
Oprah, TikTok and election 2024 - greatest hits.
Every four years, America's political circus peaks into madness, turning November into a wild ride of drama, democracy and American pie. We're talking about that golden-crusted month sandwiched between Halloween's sugar rush and Black Friday’s credit card hangover.
Millions of voters, fresh off a year-long binge of campaign ads and social media showdowns, finally get a moment to themselves in the voting booth. It's like the season finale of the world's longest, most bizarre and brain cell-killing reality show – "Keeping Up with the Candidates."
But let's be real. While we're debating red vs. blue, Ukraine or Russia, misogynistic men vs. feminist women, the world keeps spinning. Africa's got more armed active conflicts than a Kardashian group chat, and kids are facing hunger faster than you can imagine. Talk about perspective, right? Or out of touch legacy media – trapped in tunnel vision and awash in millions of ad dollars (to be burnt!).
J Lo dated Sean Diddy from 1999 - 2001.
Katy Perry and Doug Emhoff during Kamala’s election rally in Pennsylvania. TikTok
Speaking of dollars, “Money won't buy you happiness, but it'll pay for the search?” If only! In a plot twist wilder than the Squid Game, Kamala Harris's campaign burned through a staggering $1 billion in just three months, only to lose the presidential ticket. The receipts? They're juicer than your favorite reality show reunion. We're talking celebrity endorsements, private jets, star studded town hall, podcast set ups and enough campaign merch to fill Jay Lo’s closet too.
Oueen Bey sporting tshirt with Kamala Harris print.
Hulk Hogan ripps off shirt at RNC .
Rumors spread faster than a TikTok dance trend about Oprah getting a $1M bag for her endorsement. But Queen O quickly shut that down with a "Not true – I was paid nothing, ever" faster than Hulk Hogan ripped off his shirt at the MAGA soirée in Milwaukee.
Elon Musk and Vivek Ramaswamy are going to be in charge of Trump’s Department of Government Efficiency .
Meanwhile, the Soros empire drama thickened when Alex took the $25B throne from evil papa George, serving major "Succession" vibes and arrogantly bad calculations over the election outcome. Speaking of billionaire moves, the total bill for ad spending in the 2024 election hut a new record. The campaigns spent more on ads than your entire TikTok FYP, dropping nearly $11B on political advertising alone. Harris's team went through cash faster than a Saudi princess at Hermès, spending $880M while Trump's crew kept it relatively modest at $354M. Talk about fumbling the ball!
Cardi B shared her devastation with millions of followers on her social media. Instagram
Selena Gomez voted early
The moral of this political blockbuster? Even with a billion-dollar budget that could make Mark Zuckerberg blush, you can't buy the White House like it's Supreme. As Taylor Swift would say, "Are you ready for it?" Because 2024 just proved that money can't buy everything. Maybe it’s time for all these actors to hop a plane to Azerbaijan for a deep intervention and ethical retreat at the invite- only at COP 29 this week? A pity party in Baku, that even Swedish activist Greta Thunberg smartly skipped this year calling it absurd and “an authoritarian petrostate.”President Biden didn’t show his face either due to more important matters with the president-elect.
After Trump’s win, the 4B movement goes viral in US . As part of their protest women shaved their hair.
We could all agree that our political drama gone full Soprano meets Manson Family reunion this cycle. We've got billion-dollar losers, cult-like TikTok meltdowns, and enough woke narratives to fill a Starbucks loyalty card. It's enough to make you want to shave your head – but maybe think twice before going full Britney 2007. That won’t bring back that ex-boyfriend pig, but perhaps will prompt you to use the inner emotional turmoil and create some great art, start a new job, call your mom, write a book and chew over emotional clutter. Or simply wake up happy. It’s over!
So, as we emerge from this election hangover, let's take a breather from the late-night political drinking shows, pre-scripted interviews, lousy slogans and Instagram virtue signaling. It's time to put down the phone, step away from the brain cell zapping apps, and remember – there's more to life than America’s political circus.
Now, who's ready for some pie?
